Bonniemc’s Blog

Have you ever been in a situation where you were having a conversation with someone who said something to you that set you on fire?  If you were raised in the Christian and Baptist faith, then you know what I am talking about.  In the Baptist faith we often refer to being “convicted”, or being set on fire, when someone calls you on something you have done.

I had an incident happen to me earlier today during a meeting with someone who was listening to my ideas about hosting a mother/daughter forum.  I shared with her some of my personal journey with my own daughter and why I thought this topic is so important.  As I spoke with passion about the importance of the role of mothers in their daughter’s lives she pointed out to me that although I spoke about my daughter I did not speak very much about my son.  I had mentioned to her at the outset of our meeting that I had a son, but something in my conversation caused her to wonder about my affection towards him. I responded that since our meeting was about women, I did not see the relevance of him to the conversation at hand.

I left the meeting and made the drive back home and during that thirty minute drive, I thought about what the woman had said to me and it was then that the fire began.  I cannot tell you how sorrowful I was that I had communicated in some way that my son was of any less value to me than my daughter.  I then asked myself if perhaps this was something I did regularly without realizing it and if so had this in some way caused him any pain.

This led me to also consider the number of young black men who each day feel that they are not significant and whose value goes unrecognized. I thought about the assault our young men have to deal with on a daily basis and the difficulty they have in propping themselves up in a society who sees them as an afterthought.  What mad me most sad however, is the fact that I, had also contributed to that assault in my own unintentional way.

My son is the eldest of my two children and at least in my mind, he is the first gift that was given to me as a mother.  I have watched this young man grow into someone who is intelligent, articulate, engaging and not to mention very handsome. Unlike his sister, he alone has challenged me to reach higher than my arms can stretch and he beats my drum louder that anyone I know. And in my own mind, although I love my children differently, as they are very different people, when it comes to how much, I love them both the same.

I think that perhaps my glossing over him has a lot to do with how much I respect his strength and ability to stand on his own.  I am reminded however, that even the strongest structures are strong only because they have consistent support.  Having said that, I must make a greater effort to make sure he knows that I do support him.

For all the mothers out there who sometimes forget to support the young men, or old men in your lives, remember, they need you.  And to the young women, call up a brother or friend of a brother and let him know how much you appreciate the fact that they are here.

We can not always know what others need but we can be certain that others need us.  Nothing solid gets that way without a lot of good stuff being poured into it.

To my son, you are the best!  I know I say this to you in private as often as I am reminded, but today I wanted to say so, so others would know how much this black woman love and appreciate you.

Deigratia,

Bonnie McDaniel – Life That Works, copyright March 1, 2010

Following a recent snow storm, I watched a squirrel out my kitchen window as he hopped – up and down – up and down.  Each time he landed, he would disappear in the snow and then like a geyser, he popped up again.  I laughed to myself, as I thought,  “that poor squirrel is looking for nuts in all of that snow….does he not know there is not a snow balls chance….”

After a few minutes of watching the squirrel, I moved away from the window and continued working away at my computer.  After a while, I looked out the window again and there was the squirrel perched atop the snow happily eating a nut.  I had to laugh once again; this time at myself, because obviously, when it comes to finding nuts, I did not have a clue.

I am reminded of the number of times I have listened to the stories of friends or others who like that squirrel, found themselves having to fight against something over which they had no control.  It seemed that despite the planning for the wintery moments, the storms had a way of showing up anyway.

So what is it that we can learn from that squirrel?  Was it dumb luck that he found something to eat or had he knowingly prepared for that wintery day?

A few years ago, my husband shared his take on the nature of squirrels and it was his contention that the reason squirrels have food to eat is because they hedge their bets by burying nuts all summer so when the winter comes, anywhere they look they are bound to find a nut. He further shared that squirrels don’t remember where they bury their nuts, so to make sure they have food when it comes time to eat, they bury more than what they need.

What is funny too is that anyone who has ever observed squirrels knows that where there is one squirrel, there is a village.  And, so it goes in the life of the squirrel village, every squirrel burying for itself, but in the end, when winter comes, the entire village will have nuts to eat.

As people we can prepare for those wintery moments by filling not only our physical coffers by saving for a rainy day, but also by filling our emotional and spiritual coffers with what we will ultimately need.

And yes, there are some storms that might show up and the preparations you alone have made will not sustain you.  But, like the squirrels in the village, if you have filled your coffers with stuff that is beneficial and good for your emotional, spiritual and physical well-being; you will increase your odds of “popping” up each time.  It is important to note too that like squirrels in the village when we prepare for our storms individually, we also benefit the village.

And how do you fill your coffers?  You fill it first with the knowledge of not only who you are, but whose you are.  That is to say, build your life on a solid spiritual foundation. And then make sure you have at least one good friend; one who you know that no matter what, has your back.  And last but not least, be sure to take good care of your health.  Eat, live and move like your life depends on it; because it does.  That way when the storms come in the form of illness or other misfortunes;  and they will, if you live long enough, you will be mentally and physically able to fight – and fight to win!

Deigratia,

Bonnie McDaniel – Life That Works – copyright February 23, 2010

Where are your “big- girl” panties?

A friend of mine asked me this question recently and I just had to laugh because it reminded me of the early years of raising my children.  Having raised a son and a daughter her question took me back to the ups and downs of potty training my kids. Mothers of toddlers can identify with having a toddler who is just at that stage when you’ve demonstrated, coaxed and praised your child to the point of where you just know they’ve got the toilet thing down pat.  And then you put on the real panties, you know the ones for big girls, and take a trip to the mall and then right there in the presence of all the happy shoppers she yells, “mommy, I made a boo boo”.  Have you ever been there?

Navigating life is very much like potty training.  You do everything you think you are supposed to do in order to avoid the boo-boos in life and just when you think you’ve got it, you find yourself smack in the middle of one big mess.

But if you know anything about potty-training, making a mess does not mean that you give up on wearing panties.  It simply means that you clean yourself up, stand up straight and put on another pair.

So many of us are going through very difficult times.  The economy stinks, jobs are hard to find and we have had to rethink or should I say revisit what we know to be of real value. I know I am remembering things that I forgot I knew.  And the funniest thing has happened; my head is in such a good place.  For the first time in a long time, I am writing more letters, making more phone calls to people with whom I have lost touch and I am finally finishing my great American novel.  I should mention too that my work for mothers and daughters has gained new life after having been on the shelf for the last four years.  This is in addition to the cookbook I have been working on this summer.  What has also happened is that I am beginning to attract more of the kind of people into my life who are like what I want to be; kind, caring, giving, loving and they have a wonderful sense of humor.

I don’t look at my problems in the same way. I no longer see them as burdens but rather as opportunities to become better and to learn what it is God requires of me.  One could say, I have put on my big girl panties, and I am wearing them well.  On another note, this same friend asked what color were the panties and I boldly stated they are red.  And why red?  They are red because I am bold in my stance for who I am in Christ Jesus.  I have a pretty good idea about where I am going and I know that if I make a boo-boo here and there, I can take them off, clean them up, and put them back on again.

Are you wearing your “big girl” panties?  If you are not, find yourself a pair, put them on, wear them, and be all that God requires you to be.

This time of the year is exciting as it usually represents a time of completion for graduates from learning institutions on every level.  I had the pleasure of addressing the graduating class of Virginia International University recently and was reminded of the sacrifice and hard work that culminated in such a wonderful occasion.  Exactly one week later I was pleased to attend my own daughter’s graduation ceremony and being the proud mom that I am, I reflected on the numerous times I had to dry tears and offer encouragement as she made her way through the process.  It was treacherous at times, but in the end the goal was accomplished.

Like so many people we understand that although life can present some interesting challenges, it is only because we choose to show up each day that we are able to reach our goals.

During her commencement speech for my daughter’s graduating class, the actress, Glenn Close shared the story of her first role on broadway.  She stated that although the part was small and one of virtual anonymity, she chose to approach the task as an opportunity of a life time. As fate would have it, because she was totally engaged in making sure she knew not only her part but also that of the leading lady, she was prepared for the moment that would ultimately define the rest of her life.  After a short while and due to very unfortunate circumstances, she was asked to fill the role of leading lady and the rest of her career took care of itself.  Glenn Close showed up, ready, willing and able to take possession of what was to be her life!

Each day we are all presented with opportunities to realize our dreams.  Unfortunately too many of us never live our dreams because we fail to recognize that it is all just a process; one that we must show up READY to take possession of at the moment it presents itself.

It is not always easy, for very often it appears that we are merely running in place.  The interesting thing about running in place is that eventually you begin the wear down the obstacles underneath your feet and have no choice but to move to higher ground.

My encouragement to you is to show up for whatever life happens to present to you this day. As scripture reminds us, and I am paraphrasing, the race is not given to the swift but to those who persevere and continue to SHOW up to the end.

Be blessed and show up!

Deigratia,

Bonnie W. McDaniel – Life That Works™ – copyright June 3, 2009

Value is one of those words that is often used when someone is trying to sell you something.  Advertisers have figured out the fact that if you can convince a person that what is being offered is of at least equal value to what they are asking you to pay, the chances are very good you will part with your money.

We don’t normally think of people when we use the word value.  I think that has a lot to do with our lack of understanding of what it really means when it comes to placing value on another person.  This can in a large part be attributed to the tendency of most of us to disassociate value with the very place where it should begin; within each of us.

In the past when my children, my daughter in particular, have brought home likely suitors to “meet the parents”, one of the first questions I am interested in knowing the answer to is – “does this person value you?”  I think a lot of people get into wrong relationships simply because they are not seeking the answers to the right questions.

Value is something that must begin with you.  You cannot value anyone or anything without first recognizing that you are a one of a kind magnificent creation, designed by God with a valuable purpose in mind. You were not a mistake; every single hair on your head was done with the idea that you would bring value to this earth.

The world is filled with people who go about their lives day after day seeking love, acceptance and recognition from those around them.  And for far too many of these people, their lives are nothing more than mundane happenings that, in their minds, add up to an existence lacking value.

There isn’t a life ever lived that was without purpose or value.  The sad truth is too many people live and die without ever knowing that.

We can, each of us, begin today to change that notion by simply accepting who we created to be – a person of value.  You will be amazed after a while of how you will begin to view not only yourself, but others around you.

Remember you can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it.   See yourself in a valuable light and then let that light illuminate the people around you.

Deigratia,

Bonnie W. McDaniel – Life That Works™ – copyright May 19, 2009

Years ago I worked with a gentleman by the name of Bob Wapelhorst.  I am not sure what happened to Bob as it has been many years since my corporate America days.  But if I were a betting woman I would wager that Bob has a good life simply because he had a good mind.

We were both account executives at the time for a computer company and competition was fierce.  What I grew to love about Bob was no matter what day it was or what the conditions, when you asked him how was he doing, his response would always be, “never better”.  Initially I thought he was somewhat sarcastic because there were times when I knew he had lost a client or a contract was not going well.  What I began to understand over time was that Bob was one of the top account executives not so much because he was more capable than the rest of us, but he was because he believed it.

We are going through some interesting times in our economy.  At least eight out of ten people I talk to each day are having some kind of economic challenge.  And what is even more interesting is that we have all changed our conversation to reflect it.  It is difficult not to focus on the challenges especially when a family member or you have lost a job or a business and the creditors are rapping at the door.

I know from personal experience how difficult it is to regroup after losing a business.  There are days when you feel like your world is coming to an end.  And then, for just a moment, you take your mind off what you don’t have to work with and focus on what you do and amazingly your world keeps chugging along and positive things begin to happen.

I am not sure who will read this today, but I want to encourage you to stop what you are doing right now and make an assessment of all the things that are good in your life.  Write it down and read it each day.  And each day I want you to add something new to that list.  Secondly, write down what is not good in your life.  List each challenge on index cards and each day work to get rid of at least one.  If you can’t do it in a day, then try a week or it might take a little longer, but the important thing is to get rid of all that is weighing you down and preventing you from getting where you would like to be.

You will be amazed at how different your life will become, simply because you made the decision to see your life in a different way.

Today is a new beginning and with the lessons you learned on yesterday, you are never better than you are today.

Deigratia,

Bonnie W. McDaniel – Life that Works – copyright May 14, 2009

Today is the first day of the rest of your  life!

I know you have either read of or heard this comment before but have you really thought about what it means?  It means that beginning today you can begin to be who you have imagined you can be. No one can hold you to your past hiccups or your old way of looking at life.  You can begin today to love like you’ve always wanted to love, give until you are satisfied that you have given enough and to laugh until your belly hurts.  You no longer have to believe the naysayers who told you that things can’t get any better or that dreams are a waste of time.  You are the “boss” of yourself and with the “Superboss”, that is to say God, in the control tower, you can’t do anything but win.

So often we allow ourselves to compromise our present and future happiness simply because we are “stuck” in the past.  The funny thing about the past is you can’t do anything to change it.  It is done, finished, dead; and to use a much-quoted modern expression, it is time to “get over it”.

Life has a way of challenging us, but it is in the challenges that we begin to understand and become who we were created to be.  Challenges are not designed to break us but to strengthen us.  Those of you who are athletically-inclined know that in order to become fit, you must put your body through stress. It does not feel good, as a matter of fact, it is downright painful.  But, if you want to get that size 16 body into a size 6 you quickly learn to soak it, wrap it up and massage it until it does what you want it to do.

Each of us are a work or art; molded and inspired by the Master of all that is wonderful and good.  And with that creation we were given tools that come in the form of family, friends, experiences and time; to put our own indelible mark on the space appointed to us.

You can do that by each day, putting one foot in front of the other, never looking back, but learning the lessons that today teaches you.

Begin living right now by accepting what is yours.

Deigratia,

Bonnie W. McDaniel – Life that Works – copyright May 13, 2009

Bonnie W. McDaniel – “Life That Works” (TM) My work is dedicated to inspire, motivate and encourage present and future generations of women to live meaningful, purposeful, happy lives. I do this by providing emotional, physical and spiritual resources to help women achieve their own personal best. Background: Speaker, Radio and Television Commentator, Author, Magazine Editor, Newspaper Columnist and Sponsor/Host of Mother/Daughter Retreats and Workshops. Also former award-winning restaurateur and innkeeper.